


Always

by GrumpyJenn



Series: Real Person FICTION - That Last is Important [13]
Category: Doctor Who RPF, Mattex - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-13 17:26:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrumpyJenn/pseuds/GrumpyJenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...and completely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amie33](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amie33/gifts), [areyoumarriedriver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyoumarriedriver/gifts), [TheHuntersAngel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHuntersAngel/gifts), [SnubNosedSilhouette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnubNosedSilhouette/gifts), [Kehwie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kehwie/gifts), [BrinneyFriday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrinneyFriday/gifts), [kingstonmcbride](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingstonmcbride/gifts), [clare009](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clare009/gifts), [savvyliterate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvyliterate/gifts).



> Yes, it's sad, and yes, it's smut.
> 
> And yes, it's fiction.

The kiss tasted like goodbye.

Matt hadn’t cradled her face like that when blocking out the kiss during rehearsal, and he hadn't thumbed her cheekbone as though he was wiping away tears then either. It had been a bittersweet yet sexy kiss then too, but _this_... this kiss was of a different order altogether. And it broke Alex’s heart. He looked at her so lovingly, as though, well... but she shouldn’t think that way. Her silly crush on her co-star had had her husband thinking she’d had a fling with the young man, and now she and Florian had separated (though the alleged affair was only one reason of many) and Salome was in LA with her father and Alex... she was so _lonely_.

Matt felt Alex tremble as they kissed for the camera, and wondered. She was never quite _this_ Method, and she’d never seemed so... _River Song_. As though she loved him the way River loved the Doctor. Which was nonsense; they were friends and colleagues, and she was _married_ besides. Oh, she was separated, but she showed no signs of wanting more with him. It would be wrong, no matter how much he had always wanted her. But her reaction broke Matt’s heart, so after the director called cut at the end of that scene, and they broke for the day and changed out of costume, Matt followed Alex to her trailer.

She didn’t look back, just went into the trailer and closed the door, and then Matt saw the door shake slightly in its frame. He nearly went away, thinking she wouldn’t want company, but he heard, faintly, a sound very like a sob from beyond the door. _Oh god_ , he thought, _she sounds so alone,_ so he steeled himself and knocked.

Alex felt the knock as much as heard it, because she was resting her head against the door, trying very hard to stop a second sob from escaping. _For God’s sake,_ she thought, _I’m a bloody actress; I should be able to keep from crying_. But they must have forgotten something, needed her on set, so at the second knock, rather quieter than the first, she sighed and opened the door.

When the door swung open, Matt looked up at Alex. What he saw in her face broke his heart all over again; she looked tired, drawn, and her eyes were bright with tears. “Going to invite me in, Kingston? And tell me what’s wrong?” Matt asked softly, and Alex said nothing, just stepped back to let him pass.

She closed the door behind him, turned, and nearly bumped into him; he was standing close, holding out a hand. Alex took the hand and drew him over to the small sofa, sitting and patting the space next to her. When Matt sat, she worked up a smile and looked up at him. “It’s nothing, really darling. I’m just tired and...” _And I don’t want this to be goodbye_ , she thought despairingly. _I’m like a baby crying for the moon, wanting what I can’t have, and missing it before it’s gone_. She realised that he was waiting for her to finish, and forced the smile brighter. “Just tired, and I suppose I don’t like endings any more than the Doctor does.”

Matt was shaking his head. “I don’t think so, Alex,” he said in an uncharacteristically serious tone. “It’s more than that. Florian got you down? Missing Salome?” He smiled at her, that hot-when-he’s-clever-look from under nearly nonexistent brows, and Alex wanted to burst into tears and just _stay_. Just stay with him, always, like his lines in the scene they’d just wrapped. But it was stupid, just the maunderings of a lonely old woman who’d buggered up her own life and wanted a new one.

“Truly, Matt, I just...” Alex found herself choking up. “I’ll miss you.” She tried to make the _you_ sound like she meant all of them, Matt and Steven and the whole cast and crew, but she couldn’t quite manage it, and the - was it pity? - in Matt’s eyes undid her completely. She turned away, biting her lip and wringing her hands and trying very hard not to burst into tears, and heard Matt make a concerned noise in the back of his throat.

 _Oh god,_ Matt was thinking, _does she mean you-_ me _? Or you-_ everyone _? And why now?_ So he tried to ask her just that. “Alex...” he said, and swallowed hard. He didn’t want to hurt her; he’d rather die, so he offered a statement instead of putting her on the spot. “Alex... you needn’t miss me, you know.” Her wringing hands stilled and he was sure she was listening _(I wish I could tell her_ , he thought, _but Steven asked me not to)_. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he continued. “Whether we’re in Series Eight or not - and Steven left it open - I want you to know that I will always, _always_ be here for you. And Salome. Always. I promise you, Alex.” He used the hand on her shoulder to turn her slightly toward him, and saw that she was crying, silently, a single tear trickling down each cheek.

 _Why does he keep looking at me like that_ , Alex thought, _like the Doctor had looked at River in that scene?_ His hand was even cradling her face, thumbing away the tear on one cheek so... so _tenderly_. It made Alex want to cry even more, to bury her face in Matt’s chest and just let it all out, and all at once, she realised something. Something that had been bothering her vaguely since they filmed _Manhattan_. And suddenly the smile broke through the tears and Alex used her own hand to wipe her other cheek.

“What is it?” Matt could feel his expression, a peculiar mix of amusement and concern, affection and _wanting_.

“I only just now figured it out, Matt,” Alex said, and took his hand. “Why River slapped the Doctor in Manhattan, after he healed her.”

“Because he was a sentimental idiot?” He could play a game of Quotes as well as she could. But she sobered.

“No. Or not exactly. Because...” Alex took a deep breath. She had to say it, had to _tell_ him. “It was because he made her feel like you did me, just now. He was so tender and lo... and caring, that all she wanted to do was curl into him and let him take care of her. That would destroy her hidden-vulnerable-side bit. And I... oh, bugger it!”

And then Alex kissed him.

Given the last bits of Alex’s little speech, and the outrageous things she said all the time, and the way she kissed on set, Matt was surprised by how gentle - even hesitant - this kiss was. _She seems almost shy_ , he thought, _but she can’t know how long I’ve wanted_... and then Alex parted her lips under his and sighed into his mouth. And the kiss got much more serious.

 _Oh_ , Alex thought wonderingly, _he_ wants _me._ He was kissing her back, and it was still gentle and searching, but it was swiftly getting very intense, and Alex pulled back just slightly. Matt didn’t push her, but he held on. “No need to keep the vulnerable side well-hidden here, Alex, not with me,” he whispered against her mouth. “It doesn’t have to be an ending.” Alex _wanted_ to trust him, just melt right into him and let someone else be the strong one for a change.

But she was afraid.

Afraid that no matter how much he seemed to want her now, the reality of the age gap would be too much for him; he was _so_ very young. Afraid that she would fall head over heels but all he wanted was a quick fling. Most of all she was afraid that she would be the older woman to his younger man, and break some poor young woman’s heart. She would not - _could_ not - be that person. Not after she’d been the heartbroken young woman herself.

Not even for Matt.

So Alex wrenched herself away, and this time, Matt let her go. But he had gone very still, and at the look in his eyes, there went her heart again. They looked so hurt, and he was trying hard to hide it, but even as good an actor as Matt - and he was good - couldn’t hide the pain. _Oh god,_ she thought, _what have I done to him?._ “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and watched as Matt took a deep breath, and his expression went from one of hurt back to that tender one she found so hard to resist.

It hurt so much when Alex pulled away from him that everything in Matt stopped dead for a moment. Then she whispered an apology, and he thought she looked... surely she wasn’t _afraid_ , scared of _him_? What could he have done to make her so frightened? He took a deep breath, and tried to keep his voice calm and unthreatening. “Alex...” he began, and her face crumpled into a mask of misery and pain as she burst into tears. Matt didn’t even think; he just gathered her up and hauled her into his lap. And she let him, curled up in a little ball and wept. She cried quietly, murmuring apologies and explanations, but it went on and on, while Matt crooned wordlessly and rocked her gently.

Eventually Alex’s tears stopped, leaving her exhausted and limp, and her own arms crept around his waist as she leaned into him. “There now,” he murmured into her hair, “Feeling better?”

“Yes,” Alex said without thinking, then, “No. Yes. Sort of.” She looked up at him, head still on his chest, and gave him a wan smile. He returned it, warmly, and she became slowly aware that he was very aroused. He didn’t move, didn’t push her in any way, but the evidence was rather obvious, and Alex realised; he had been _wanting_ her this whole time, for a half hour or more while she cried, and had done _nothing_ to indicate it. No pressure, no insistence, no... it was as though in spite of his meagre years he was more of an adult than either of her husbands had ever been. “I...” she began, and looked him full in the face. The smile was still there, so kind, and caring, and _oh_ , she wanted him so much.  And now it was all right, but he _must_ know how sorry she was.

“I’m sorry, Matt. I never meant to hurt you.”

“You haven’t,” Matt replied, and at her headshake, insisted. “You _haven’t_ , Alex. You wouldn’t, not deliberately.” He stroked long fingers through the hair at her temple, wishing he could hunt down her first husband and _hurt_ the man. How _dare_ he hurt this lovely woman? It had been fifteen or twenty years and she still expected men - no matter how trusted - to betray her. Or to use her to betray others; he’d gotten that much from her tearful ramblings. He must make her understand that _he_ understood, that he’d never... **_“_** You’ve been hurt too much and too often yourself to ever hurt me intentionall-- _oh_.” The last word was lost inside Alex’s mouth as she kissed him, long and slow but still a little reserved, yet shifting to straddle his lap. “ _Alex_...” He moaned the name against her lips, and she couldn’t help herself; she ground herself against him as they both groaned. “Alex...” Matt was nearly panting now, pulling back just slightly to look at her. “Are you... are you sure about this? You seemed so scared, I...” He trailed off as she fastened her lips to his again.

There was nothing the least bit hesitant about _this_ kiss.

Alex’s lips were travelling from his mouth along his jaw to one ear now, and she was writhing in his lap and oh god, she felt so _good_ , she... “Matt...” she murmured into the ear she was nibbling, “Touch me. _Please_...” He groaned and complied, settling one hand into her hair as the other crept down to one breast, stroking and fondling and pinching through the flimsy t-shirt she wore. She arched into the touch, releasing his earlobe from between her teeth and moaning his name, and Matt could feel her grinding even harder against him. _Won’t last long at this rate,_ he thought with a vague sort of panic, and he pulled away.

“Stop,” he gasped, and Alex looked stricken. Matt took a deep breath, two, and willed himself to calm down. “Alex,” he said gently, “I should have said _slow down_ , because oh _god_ I don’t want to stop. But I--” _Oh no, she’s climbing off me and stepping away and I_ hurt _her, oh no, Alex, please don’t._.. “It’s my go to be sorry, Alex,” he said hoarsely, but she was standing there smiling brilliantly down at him.

“No,” Alex said simply. “That’s a hell of a compliment, Matt, that you’re so...” she waved a hand vaguely at his groin... “because of _me_.” He was shaking his head, but she nodded. “Yes. I’m nearly fifty years old, Matt, and you want me _this_ much, I--”

He launched himself at her then, fastening his lips to hers and stroking his hands frantically down her sides to cup her breasts. “For so long, Alex,” he muttered against her mouth, “I’ve _always_ wanted you.” He thumbed her nipples and she moaned his name. “So long...” The hands on her breasts slid with aching intensity to her hips, lifting her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and laughed into his mouth as he swung her round back to the sofa, dropping her gently onto it.

Alex landed on the couch and bounced slightly. Looking up at Matt, she crossed her arms and pulled her t-shirt off over her head, then shimmied out of her soft yoga pants as Matt watched. His eyes were wide and dark, and Alex felt a little thrill of power that she affected him so much. God, she wanted to _bite_ him, right there, along the long slope of his throat, and she shivered with the thought, nipples puckering with anticipation.

“Cold, Kingston?” Matt asked softly. “Shall I warm you up? I’ve always wanted to...” He trailed off as Alex undid the front clasp of her bra, and felt his mouth go dry at the sight of her. She sprawled on the low sofa, nude but for silky blue knickers, and Matt - very slowly and carefully - knelt on the floor between her feet. He swallowed hard, and very gently leaned in to kiss her. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, and then finally, her lips. Just a soft brush against them at first, his mouth on hers and his hands lightly bracketing her hips, and then again, more firmly.

 _Firm, yes, but still gentle, so gentle,_ Alex thought with a peculiar mixture of confusion and affection and lust. She sighed as his lips travelled slowly from mouth along her jaw to her ear. “Matt...”

“Hmm?” He settled in to nibble at her ear, breathing endearments into it as he went. Sliding his hands up her sides, he brushed both thumbs against her nipples, and she could feel him smile against her neck as she arched into the touch. Then the sensations threatened to overwhelm Alex; Matt’s long fingers on her breasts and his mouth working its way slowly down the slope of her neck to join them there.

When he sucked hard on one nipple, his fingers squeezing the other one, Alex moaned. “ _Matt_... god, Matt, _please_.”

“Please what, Kingston?” he muttered against her flesh, and she moaned again. His voice had gone low and gravelly, and the sound went right to her core. “Tell me what you want, Alex. _Tell_ me.” He bit her, gently, and then sealed his lips around her nipple and sucked again, tongue laving it until she writhed.

She would have told him; she was never shy in bed. But he was _doing_ things to her, things she hadn’t felt in months, certainly not with another person, and she was almost incoherent with wanting and need. Breathy moans and ‘ _please, Matt, please’_... these were all she could do. And when his free hand slipped into the silky blue knickers and _touched_ her, Alex came completely undone. Matt held on through the shudders and cries, the stroking of his hands and mouth getting gentler with each, until Alex lay still beneath him.

 _So beautiful_ , Matt thought as he watched her, and _at last,_ and he felt an unholy sort of glee that she was here with _him_. He couldn’t understand why in hell her husbands had let her go; to him she was gorgeous - brilliant and beautiful and oh so kind - and all he wanted just now was to stay with her always. He rested his head lightly on her chest between the lovely breasts, and closed his eyes, drinking in the _feel_ of her, of warm and willing woman, of rapidly tripping heart, of... of _Alex_.

“Thank you,” Alex whispered, and then she began to giggle. “Oh, how that sounds! Matt, you’ve no idea how...” She trailed off as he lifted his head and kissed her softly on the lips. She kept her eyes open, watching his face at close quarters. He looked so _kind_ , she thought, so very sweet. He wanted her; that much was evident. But he still didn’t push her at all.

So she would have to take the initiative.

Alex pulled away from the kiss.“Your go, darling.” She gave him a little smirk, but he looked... surely he wasn’t embarrassed, not after what he’d done to her just now. But he certainly did look uncomfortable.

“I, er...” he began, and blushed. Actually _blushed_ , and she was taken aback. What...? but he was still talking, haltingly, and he wouldn’t look her in the eye. “I didn’t... I didn’t come here expecting this, and I haven’t any--”

Oh. “Are you clean, my darling Matt?” Mired in frustrated embarrassment, he failed to notice her hand edging downward.

He nodded. “Of course. I’ve never done... this... without protection, and... _Alex!_ ”

“So am I,” she said, squeezing him again, “And what’s more, I can’t get pregnant. I’ve always thought of that as a failing...” She smiled as his eyes widened and he shook his head. “But just at the moment I can’t bring myself to care.” She squeezed once more, and then flipped open the buttons of his jeans, shoving them and his pants down his legs. “I want you inside me, Matt,” she said, in an utterly filthy tone, and Matt sat down hard on the sofa, jeans and pants around his ankles.

“Alex...” he choked out as she stood and stripped off her knickers. “I... are you sure about this, I... _Christ_ , Alex!” She straddled his lap and rocked against his aching hardness, making little noises of (he hoped) approval. _Kingston, what? Oh my god, Alex, please, I.._. Matt’s thoughts dissolved as she rubbed herself against him, and then he had to hold his breath, fighting not to come before he was even inside her.

Because _oh_ , he wanted to be inside her.

Alex was moaning and writhing again, getting herself off on him, but oh _God_ , she wanted him inside her. She stopped rocking her hips for just a moment, and then reared up over him, positioning his length and sinking down on and around him. As she did so, she gave a gasping, wordless cry, dropping her head to Matt’s shoulder, and he froze. “Alex, did I hurt you? Please tell me I didn’t hurt you!” _My God,_ she thought, _he’s afraid he hurt me? Now?_ Her head came up from his shoulder, and she looked into his worried eyes and smiled.

“Oh you dear sweet man,” she breathed. “How did I ever deserve this, deserve _you_? You haven’t hurt me. You wouldn’t.” Her lips came down to meet his.

And then she began to move.

He wasn’t going to last. He was inside a woman _bare_ for the first time in his life, and she was hot and wet and tight, and kissing him as she rode, and most of all she was _Alex_. His Alex, he’d waited so long, four years and he wanted this to last for always, but he couldn’t and...  Matt’s thoughts circled tighter and tighter, running through his head of their own volition, and then he was completely lost in sensation as she came, crying out and clamping down and fluttering around him, and he all but shouted her name as he joined her in release.

When Matt’s breathing had steadied, he realised that Alex had dropped her forehead onto his shoulder again, and that she was crying softly against it, tears soaking into the fabric of the t-shirt he still wore. “Hey,” he said, voice still hoarse but soft. He stroked her hair, winding a curl round his finger and letting it spring back. “Don’t cry, Kingston. Was it really that bad?”

He meant it as a joke, but Alex didn’t take it as one. She brought her head up, eyes shining through the tears, and said simply, “No. Good. Very good. But mostly...” She choked a bit and dropped her head again, hiding from him, Matt thought. He lifted her off his lap, and laid her down carefully on the sofa, pulling off the cushions so he could lie beside her.

Looking into her face, he murmured, “Mostly what, Kingston?”

Alex turned where she lay, and put both arms around him. “Matt,” she said, very seriously, “Do you know how rare you are? I spent most of this evening crying in your arms, and although you wanted me, you didn’t push. When I cried out, your first concern was that you had _hurt_ me.” She burrowed her head under his chin, letting the curls tickle his nose. “I’ve never met anyone like you,” she said, and he could tell from the tone that she was getting sleepy, her voice blurred with fatigue. “Will you stay?”

Matt kissed Alex’s hair as she slipped into slumber. “Always.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was 3/4 through writing this when the news that Matt Smith is leaving _Who_ was released.


End file.
